ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
