as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
