therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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