I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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