Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
