Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
