I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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