Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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