i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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