I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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