the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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