Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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