Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
