i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
