Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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