he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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