He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
