the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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