I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
