I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
