Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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