I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
