can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
