Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Randomize
