I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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