Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
