i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I checked into jail on foursquare
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
