we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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