So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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