found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
