I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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