I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I got inside last night via doggy door
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
