her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
its not stalking. its research.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
