I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
