i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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