don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
