last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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