I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
