hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
