were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
