my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
