There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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