We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
