I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
