i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
