It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
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You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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