I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
