I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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