Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize