But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
