No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
