The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
