I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
