i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
