Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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